This question tormented me in the early days of recovery in Al-Anon. I hadn’t yet worked The Steps with a sponsor and didn’t know what to do with my worries. I was always anticipating the next thing to rock my world and saw catastrophes when I thought of possible outcomes. What if my son starts using again? What if he drops out of school again? What if my husband kicks him out? What if he gives up and tries to harm himself?
For me, the “What Ifs” were uncontrollable. I was always waiting for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop, so I thought I needed to prepare to be able to meet any and all situations. If I imagined all the possible outcomes, I thought then I’d be better able to meet the looming crisis. I didn’t realize I was stealing from today to prepare for a tomorrow that might never come.
Today I compare asking “What if?” to going to the mall to buy clothes. I can buy what I need for now, but then I ask myself What if I gain weight? What if I lose weight? It makes no more sense to fill your wardrobe based on “What ifs?” than it does to fill your mind with fear-based projections.
The question isn’t “What if…?” The question is “What Is…?”
What is happening in my life right now? What is my responsibility? What is my Higher Power guiding me to do? We can rid ourselves of unnecessary fears if we remember to live in today and trust the God of our understanding.
Joyce P. June 5, 2026
Photo by Kristian Gonzalez on Unsplash
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