For decades I blamed my husband for all our problems. If only he would stop drinking all our problems would be solved. The fact is, if it weren’t for his drinking, I would never have entered these rooms and realized I have a disease too: a disease of controlling, manipulating, and overthinking etc. I was a major contributor to our problems. I turned into someone I didn’t like at all with my blaming, shaming, and justifying my way out of everything. “I couldn’t be the problem; I wasn’t the one drinking!” WOW, was I wrong! So, embarrassing to admit that I did worse things while stone cold sober than he did under the influence. The disease of alcoholism really does affect the whole family, that’s why they call it a family disease. I wasn’t present for my kids growing up, so being an AMIAS (Al-Anon Member Involved in Alateen Service) I get to give back and it is so rewarding seeing them grow and use the tools of the program.
It’s not just attending meetings; it’s having a sponsor, working the program, sponsoring, carrying the message, prayer and meditation, following God’s will for me, and trying to live the principles in my daily life, that have really changed my life. I live live in the solution in peace and serenity. I can truly say I am “Happy, Joyous & Free” and I love who I am becoming! I am a human being, not a human doer any longer and a lot less of a people pleaser!
“Let it Begin With Me” – By working the steps and living by the principles I have learned to take care of me first, then I get to be of service to others. I am now living my own recovery. I no longer wait on others to make my decisions based on their moods. I have choices and tools and I follow the guidance of my Higher Power. I realize others “May be Right”. I do not have all the answers and I’m so grateful I remain teachable after 16 years in the program. I do not do this alone; my Higher Power is always here with me as are all of you!
I recently heard a speaker say, “God, help me to want what I already have.”
The mind is very powerful. If I think, Poor me. Why me? I will be in a negative downward spiral. When I look at all I have and say, “Thank You Higher Power” everything is a gift. I just need a new perspective. “A Spiritual Awakening” – I have had numerous gifts and miracles in my life as a result of working the program and following God’s will for me. I just got back from an amazing vacation with my hubby,our kids, and their loved ones.Using the tools of the program I was able to be present and enjoy each and every one!
We made group conscious decisions on things to do and where to eat. I am so very grateful to have had this quality time together. They are making plans for next year’s family trip! The spiritual progress really works and is always within our reach.
As a dear friend says, “God doesn’t have grandchildren, we are all brothers and sisters.” I feel the very same way! I love you all so very much!
Toni P. (November 2023)
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