I came into Al-Anon exhausted, confused, depressed, afraid, and feeling insane.
Al-Anon’s first gift to me was hope, hope my life could get better. Then I received an epiphany: “It is OK to love an alcoholic/addict.” I wasn’t a bad mother, a flawed person, and a failure. I was and still am just another human being who loves someone with a disease I didn’t cause, I can’t control and I can’t cure. What I can do is choose to love him, to tell him I love him and to act lovingly. It is OK to be loving and still not like this disease and what it does to him and us. But, I don’t have to punish him for having it, nor manage him and his disease. I get to let go of all that and change my life by changing what I can . . . ME!
Using the tools of acceptance and detachment with love, I can love my loved ones for who they are instead of who I think they should be.
My Al-Anon program has given me the courage to look for and to be open to new views and new perspectives. To look for the gifts hidden within the difficult and sometimes very painful experiences of my everyday existence. I get to ask myself and my Higher Power: What do I need? What do I want? How can I be of service? What does my Higher Power want me to do today? And then I get to choose what I do with the information I receive. It taught me what a game changer gratitude is. Gratitude is now an important component of my daily life, and it helps me through my darker, more challenging times.
- My mother’s 11-year journey through dementia and my added responsibilities for her, gifted my sister and me the opportunity to develop a very close relationship and an appreciation for each other we would not otherwise have developed. I am grateful for Mom’s gift to us.
- My challenging 22-year health journey has brought me knowledge and information that I can now share with others and perhaps help them find relief much sooner than I did. I have been given the gift of knowing things can improve and if they don’t I know I can adapt to what is. “This too shall pass.”
- My husband’s addictions have given me new ways to see my world and live in it.
- Our youngest adult son returned home to live with us for a year and half suffering with severe, chronic depression. Al-Anon philosophy and tools helped me be the mother he needed and wanted through that difficult time without losing myself. My Higher Power guided me through this time, and I had the courage to follow that inner voice despite criticism and doubts from other important people in our lives about what I was doing. He is well and thriving and so am I.
Al-Anon helps me notice the blessings in my life. They were always there but now I am more likely to see them as I continue to focus on taking care of myself and what I can change while loving and serving others
Susan B. November 2023
Image by victory5116 from Pixabay
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