I started in Nar-Anon in my mid 50’s because two of my children were using drugs and alcohol and I knew I was powerless to stop them. One day one of the members was telling my friend about an Al-Anon meeting where she was the secretary. I was eavesdropping and thought maybe Al-Anon could help me with my own issues of growing up in a dysfunctional family where drinking was a problem.
I’m so thankful for all the long-time members who went to the Monday morning meeting and were willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with me. I kept coming back and after a while got a sponsor who worked the steps, traditions, and concepts with me. It took almost a year and a half to do steps 4 & 5 (which we did at the same time) because in my mind I had a myriad of shortcomings/character defects and nothing positive. One of the things my sponsor told me is, “You have choices.,” which I told her I did not have. She listened to me and was willing to constantly repeat herself, which is what I needed for the ideas/wisdom to sink in. She accepted this messed up, confused, full of shame person as valuable.
Alcoholism is a terrible physical, emotional, and spiritual disease that has affected my family for many generations. Because I did not realize that I was affected by it, I passed the dysfunctional system on to my children. No, I didn’t “make” them alcoholics. They learned the unhelpful coping strategies that I had learned and used.
I have grown so much since coming to Al-Anon. I’m better than I used to be in responding, not reacting, although it is easy to slip back when I’m angry. I have a choice to Q-tip (Quit Taking it Personally), even when I truly believe others mean it to be personal. They are also deeply affected by the family disease. A member told me that it doesn’t matter what others say or think about me. This was eye-opening. So, if I can detach from the negative things said, not internalize them and accept myself as I am, knowing that God, my Higher Power, continues to work in me, then I’m ok to be who and what I am. I try to be kind, and when I’m not I can make amends, cut myself slack, and move forward.
Kay B. January 2023
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