I am filled with gratitude for all the program has given me. Al-Anon is a perfect program for perfect people like me to come, and little by little, to learn about their imperfections.
After years of isolation and three in-patient and out-patient recovery attempts failed my alcoholic, I desperately crawled into my first Al-Anon meeting. With my luck (or Higher Power), it turned out to be the District 17 Step Study meeting and that first meeting was on Step One. There I learned alcoholism is a disease just like diabetes or any other disease. The alcoholic didn’t wake up one morning when they were young and decide they would like to become an alcoholic when they grew up. They did not have a choice in becoming an alcoholic. However, they are responsible for the consequences of their actions.
This allowed me to have compassion for my alcoholic.
The Serenity Prayer
Hearing “the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change” was an eye opener for me; there are things that I cannot change and the alcoholic was the perfect example. With the help from meetings, literature, and acronyms like: Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personally), WAIT (Why Am I Talking?), and THINK (Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Necessary, Intelligent, Kind?), the “Courage to change the things I can” allowed me to give up my perception of control and avoid reacting to crises out of my control.
I had tried everything including the 4 M’s: Manipulation, Managing, Mothering, and Martyrdom, but nothing worked, and in most cases, created more problems. As I learned about the 3 C’s, I recognized that I did not Cause, couldn’t Control, and couldn’t Cure the Alcoholic, but I was a major Contributor to the problem. These translated into “Go get a life!” for me.
Minding my own business without accepting everyone else’s problems as my own has given me a new freedom. I can enjoy life and live in a way that feels comfortable – staying calm, flexible, and caring in a sometimes, crazy world – if I use and practice the Al-Anon tools and work The Steps with my sponsor. I have learned to: “Keep my sail away from other people’s wind.”
I have learned that my attitude and happiness are a personal choice. I can’t have a good day with a bad attitude and I can’t have a bad day with a good attitude.
At my second meeting I started my first service position, making coffee for the meeting. I had to be at the meeting 20 minutes early to make sure coffee was ready before it began. Six months later I was secretary at the Saturday Step Study meeting. As time passed, I enjoyed and felt privileged to serve as GR (Group Representative) for multiple groups, District Newsletter Coordinator, District Secretary, District Treasurer, an AMIAS (Al-Anon Member In Alateen Service), and AMIAS Alateen Coordinator as well as other service positions.
As I think back on my Al-Anon journey of recovery, I am filled with gratitude for all the program has given me. Primary among these blessings are the opportunities I have had to serve Al-Anon. In all the trusted servant positions I have held and with my weekly email, “Remember Not to Forget”, I have seen myself as a link in the chain of communication, carrying information to members, in my group, district, area and currently into the Zoom world. It is truly a worldwide fellowship.
By “letting go” in Al-Anon Service, I now open the way for newcomers to step in and enjoy the privilege of serving and discovering the serenity I now experience.
Love In Service, Nasser V. (April 2022)
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