I am grateful my husband is an alcoholic.
Well, as I have learned it is not in my time but in God’s time! It took me a while to get that. I was miserable, life was so chaotic and unmanageable, and our kids were caught in the middle of the crossfire. I heard of Al-Anon and just knew this was the place that I would finally get my solution! How to get my husband to stop drinking!
Well, when I walked into these rooms, I remember they were talking about themselves, how they were taking a bath, meditating, just having their “me” time! I’m sorry but in my 40 plus years of life I had NEVER heard of ME TIME!!! But there was something in the air, laughter. I could feel something so I kept coming back.
They say the program works if you work it. Well, for almost 4 years, because I had a drunk at home, two kids and a very demanding job, I didn’t have time to “work my program”. I thought I was, but just going to one meeting a week I needed more. Almost immediately my meeting needed a literature person to take inventory and make sure we were always stocked. Since that was my primary function in my job, I offered without a thought. That’s what always made me feel good, being of service to others, all others, everyone but me! If you needed me, you didn’t even have to ask, I knew and offered, I was there. So why did I make time for everyone but me???
Well, did I mention I was a slow learner? Almost 4 years into the program I finally got a sponsor which brought me to District 17 the FUN district (Fremont, Union City, Newark)! I was still doing meetings in both districts and as my crazy life would have it, on the same night!
My first meeting in the FUN district, I was so overwhelmed, I was invited by a couple members to go with them to a Convention in Santa Barbara, that weekend! WOW, I thought, who was going to watch my alcoholic? Who is going to go searching to see how much he is drinking? How will my kids survive? It went on and on and on.
I didn’t even realize until just now how my Higher Power did for me what I could not do for myself. I was running from one meeting to another (15 min. late) in another city every Wednesday night for four years until that meeting was in need of a Group Representative (GR). I volunteered and was voted in. I told my other meeting. I now believe this was the first step in taking care of me. (Not running to both meetings, just went to one.) Thank you Higher Power!
Becoming a GR, going to District Meetings, gaining my voice, and doing service has really given me self-awareness and, little by little I have learned self-respect. Once I took the focus off the people and things I couldn’t control, (my husband and kids) I learned to believe in and have conversations with a power greater than myself. My life started to become more manageable.
Really working the program and the steps with my sponsor, getting all the Experience, Strength & Hope from all of you, I began to grow. I started looking in the mirror and realizing I am the only one that can make me happy and I have to love myself. I needed to stop focusing on everyone else and put the focus back on me. I needed the 3 G’s: Get Out of His Way, Get Off His Back and Get On With My Own Life!
I started to realize I matter and make time for my recovery. Recovery to me are my meetings, being of service, praying, meditating, journaling, my sponsor and sponsee meetings, phone calls to members, going to speaker meetings and conventions. Now with Zoom I go to meetings all over the country.
I never thought I could have serenity and peace and such beautiful relationships with my husband and grown children. Since being honest with myself and being willing to work on me, I now realize I contributed to our chaotic and unmanageable home life. I would have never seen my part in any of this without such an amazing program. I am still a work in progress, but willing to work on me. I have gained a whole new family that I love and need to survive!
Thank you honey. I will “Keep Coming Back”.
Love Toni P. (January 2021)
Image by SEBASTIEN MARTY from Pixabay
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